There are many ways of moving through life. Sometimes we may seem admirable when we live according to a very clear system of ideas, carefully thought through, reasoned and structured. We then appear to know exactly where we are going. And that has great value: we need ideas, principles and convictions to guide us. The problem arises when those ideas can no longer be questioned by experience. When reality always has to fit what we already think, rather than also being allowed

“Sorrow absorbs everything and magnifies it,” says Eva María Rodríguez in a text published in La Mente es Maravillosa. This idea is essential when trying to understand someone in their darkest moments. If you take literally what your friend says during those moments when he sees “everything in black,” he may seem exaggerated to you, like someone seeing ghosts where there are none. But if you can, for a moment, put yourself in his shoes and understand that he is hurt, wounded,

I believe shame skips a generation. Someone who, at some point in their life, felt they were a source of shame for the family — perhaps for being born out of wedlock, or the result of an unwanted pregnancy — learns from childhood to overcompensate. They learn to adapt to that delicate situation. So they become a millionaire, achieve social success. All of it in pursuit of a place in society, of being recognized as someone of worth. They generally end up becoming a rather arro

Often, a relationship stops being strictly personal. It becomes the reflection of an unresolved relationship. In fact, every relationship that escalates in intensity has entered the game of reflection. Two people no longer relate transparently. Repeated patterns from an earlier conflict emerge — one that was left unresolved, with no way out. These relationships are as hard to end as they are to sustain. They carry the fatal appeal of being re-editions of complex primary bonds

I love a little game that a couple of friends came up with: whenever one of them needs to complain, they have to stand on a chair. The other person stays down below and, no matter what the person on the chair says, always responds with the same thing: “Yes, I love you and I value you.” I think it’s brilliant because it highlights a very common mechanism: when we don’t feel loved, appreciated, considered, or cared for, we complain. And very often, the complaint appears precise

Just as, in the legal system, a court decision can set a precedent for similar cases in the future, in our relationships with our children — and perhaps in all our relationships — every action can also set a precedent. If you let your child sleep in your bed one night, probably because you are too tired to take them back to their room, your child will understand that this is something that is allowed. And they will probably try it again when they get the chance. If you allow

Motherhood is, without a doubt, one of the greatest gifts life can offer. Few bonds are as deep as the one between a mother and her child. Yet society seems to hand every mother a "book" that tells her how to be the ideal mother: what is right and wrong, what children should or shouldn't be allowed to do, what should be said to them, and what should be avoided. What's remarkable is that this book changes from one culture to another—and even from one social group to another. I

Our children listen to us far more than we realize. Even the most rebellious teenager is still paying attention. Most importantly, they pay close attention to the image we reflect back to them about who they are. Very often, children believe that what we say about them is what we expect from them. Without realizing it, they begin trying to live up to that image. That's why it's important to avoid speaking negatively about your child—not only when they're present, but also whe

People say that relationships begin to fall apart when one of the two people is working too hard. What does that mean? It means you're putting too much energy into the relationship. You stay quiet about what bothers you. You constantly adapt to the other person. You lower your expectations but never walk away. In short, you're making an effort that should be shared. When that happens, the relationship has already lost something essential: its balance. It may take years to end

Living in society means constantly creating agreements with others. You coordinate schedules, make commitments, organize projects, and often, you simply give your word. By doing so, you contribute to the invisible foundation that supports human relationships: trust. Because your word has value. Yet we often treat it as something flexible. We promise something and then change it when it becomes inconvenient, as if it were merely “a way of speaking.” But every time you fail to

In the 1960s, Paul Watzlawick introduced five fundamental axioms about human communication. Among them, three ideas, although they may seem obvious, have profound consequences in our everyday lives: It is impossible not to communicate. Every communication has a content level and a relationship level. The way we say something also communicates a message and often determines how it will be received. Communication has both a verbal and a non-verbal dimension. Our words convey so

If you are wondering how to tell whether someone who enters your life is a friend, a “messenger” that destiny has placed on your path, or rather an “emotional vampire,” I believe it is important to learn the difference between those who radiate and those who absorb. As the saying goes: there are a thousand ways to be unhappy, but only one way to be happy. A person who radiates is usually someone who is healthy, joyful, grateful, and at peace with themselves. This does not mea

Often, when we have a difficult relationship with a neighbor, an acquaintance, or someone whose behavior gets under our skin, the problem is not so much what that person does wrong, but rather what they fail to do right. As if, deep down, the sentence was: “If you don’t love me, I hate you.” And so we become angry with that person, collecting reasons and arguments to justify our rejection, when perhaps, deep down, we would simply melt if we could feel that we mattered to them

I believe that it is often difficult to know when it is helpful to make an observation to someone and when it is better not to. Because, even if what we say may be true, the other person is not always ready to hear it. On the other hand, it would be sad if, because of the way you react to feedback, others have learned that certain subjects cannot be discussed with you, that they cannot challenge you or tell you something that might make you uncomfortable. I am convinced that

Human beings are wired to trust. Our life in society is built on trust: trust in others, in institutions, and in the reality that surrounds us. After experiencing painful situations, some people come to believe that the world is not a safe place and adopt the principle of distrusting everyone and everything. They build a life that is more distant, more cautious, and, in a way, more protected. By not trusting, they are less likely to feel disappointed. They suffer less, that i

Relationships are like mirrors in which we learn to see ourselves. Through the way others treat us, we gradually build an image of who we are. If they make us feel fragile, we may begin to believe that we are. If they look at us as if we are “crazy” or wrong, we may start doubting our own perception. Unfortunately, the closest mirrors are often the ones that have become the most distorted. It is as if the people we love had poured oil over the surface of the mirror, leaving u

There are studies on the contagious effect that can occur when a famous person dies by suicide. When Kurt Cobain died by suicide and left behind a poetic letter that romantically explained the reasons for his decision, the suicide rate in the United States and Canada increased by 30% during the following six months. As a result of these phenomena, guidelines and regulations were later established in North America to avoid presenting suicide in the media in a way that could ma

There was a book that changed the way I looked at encounters between people. In The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield explores the deeper meaning behind these encounters. The author suggests that every encounter happens for a reason. That when someone enters your life, they bring something with them: a message, a lesson, or an experience that can transform you. And that, at the same time, you may also have something to offer in that person’s life. This same idea inspired the

“Cupid’s demanding back his arrow…,” sings Keira Knightley in Begin Again. And I think that is how all relationships work. In the beginning, Cupid’s arrow makes us see almost exclusively the best in the other person. Everything seems special, precious, and wonderful. But one day Cupid asks for his arrow back. The idealization fades, and we begin to see the other person as they truly are: a human being with strengths and flaws, gifts and wounds. From that moment on, only what

Saying "forever" is possible. And how could it not be: one doesn't spend twenty, thirty, or forty years with the same person because one isn't even the same little person who got married years ago. With the passing of time and life experience, we modify infinite attitudes and ways of seeing the world. Time also teaches us to be more merciful toward others. So much so that I believe it wouldn't even be possible to put up with oneself for a whole lifetime without changing. Life