What to Say

I believe that it is often difficult to know when it is helpful to make an observation to someone and when it is better not to. Because, even if what we say may be true, the other person is not always ready to hear it.

On the other hand, it would be sad if, because of the way you react to feedback, others have learned that certain subjects cannot be discussed with you, that they cannot challenge you or tell you something that might make you uncomfortable.

I am convinced that it is better to think everything you say and not say everything you think.

And it is precisely in that “thinking” that the most important part lies: asking yourself whether the other person will benefit from your comment, whether what you are about to say will contribute something or simply hurt, whether it is the right moment, and whether it is worth saying considering the situation and the relationship.

This reflection already appears in the Buddhist Noble Eightfold Path, through the concept of “Right Speech”: before speaking, we should ask ourselves whether our words are true, necessary, beneficial, and whether they come from a place of awareness and love.

Because giving an opinion about a brother’s or sister’s life is not the same as giving one about a friend’s life. And even within this distinction, there are different perspectives. Some believe that with family, we almost have an obligation to point out what we consider important. Others believe that precisely with family, we should accept people as they are. Still others believe that friends are the ones who deserve to hear our perspective because they choose us also for our honesty and because they value our point of view.

As you can see, there are many perspectives, and each one contains some truth.

I am convinced that telling someone, in a kind and respectful way, what we observe requires an act of love. Very often, it is much easier to remain silent and simply continue with our own lives.

But we are not alone. Life itself is the greatest confronter. Because actions that are misaligned with what is right always have consequences. And often, reality itself, through the results we experience, ends up showing us what we did not want to see.

“When you speak, make sure your words are better than silence.”Indian proverb