If You Don’t Love Me, I Hate You

Often, when we have a difficult relationship with a neighbor, an acquaintance, or someone whose behavior gets under our skin, the problem is not so much what that person does wrong, but rather what they fail to do right.

As if, deep down, the sentence was:

“If you don’t love me, I hate you.”

And so we become angry with that person, collecting reasons and arguments to justify our rejection, when perhaps, deep down, we would simply melt if we could feel that we mattered to them.

Often, these “hatreds” are directed toward people we admire in some way. And even if we don’t want to admit it, we may actually wish for their recognition, approval, or even their friendship.

“If you don’t love me, I hate you” may be at the root of far more hatred in the world than we realize.

So, if you are looking for a more peaceful world and someone rejects or hates you, perhaps the most transformative response is to offer love and understanding. Because when the need to fight against the other person disappears, the conflict often loses its power as well.