Cupid

“Cupid’s demanding back his arrow…,” sings Keira Knightley in Begin Again.

And I think that is how all relationships work. In the beginning, Cupid’s arrow makes us see almost exclusively the best in the other person. Everything seems special, precious, and wonderful. But one day Cupid asks for his arrow back. The idealization fades, and we begin to see the other person as they truly are: a human being with strengths and flaws, gifts and wounds.

From that moment on, only what has genuinely grown between the two people remains. If a strong bond was built during the period of falling in love, the relationship can continue to deepen. If not, disillusionment sets in, and much of the other person’s shine disappears.

The same is true with children. During their early years, they seem especially sweet and lovable. It is as if they are building up a reserve of love that will help carry the relationship through the more difficult years ahead. When idealization fades, we no longer remain connected because the other person seems perfect, but because a real bond has been built.

Cupid’s arrow is not meant to last forever. It is meant to give us enough time to build something that can.