Communication — Watzlawick

In the 1960s, Paul Watzlawick introduced five fundamental axioms about human communication. Among them, three ideas, although they may seem obvious, have profound consequences in our everyday lives:

• It is impossible not to communicate.

• Every communication has a content level and a relationship level. The way we say something also communicates a message and often determines how it will be received.

• Communication has both a verbal and a non-verbal dimension. Our words convey something, but our gestures, tone of voice, and attitude speak as well.

We are communicating all the time. Even when we choose to remain silent, we are communicating something. And although we often believe that the problem lies in what we are saying, much of the impact actually comes from how we say it and from the place we give the other person within the relationship.

Because a conversation does not happen only between two ideas. It happens between two people.

How many times are you convinced that you are right and, without realizing it, while defending your point of view, you make the other person feel diminished, attacked, or unheard?How many times, in trying to win an argument, do you end up losing part of the relationship?How many times does the need for the other person to understand your perspective become more important than the way you choose to communicate it?

And this leads to an important question:

What is more valuable in that moment: proving that I am right or preserving the relationship with that person?

Because we often believe we are being “spontaneous” when we express our anger through certain gestures or attitudes: rolling our eyes, sighing with frustration, raising our hand to end a conversation, looking at someone with contempt, or responding in a cold and distant way. But spontaneity is not always the same as authenticity. Sometimes it can also be a way of unloading something that belongs to us onto someone else.

If the intention is to break the relationship, then perhaps those ways of communicating make sense. But if the relationship matters — with a child, a parent, a partner, or someone we love — it is worth asking whether the message we want to deliver justifies the damage we may cause to the bond.

Perhaps it is worth taking a moment to observe not only your words, but also everything you communicate beyond them.

Because perhaps the most important question is not: “Am I right?” but rather:

“Does the way I am communicating this strengthen the relationship or does it make it worse?”